new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
we're so committed to being not committed
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
