hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
