TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
