Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
