I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
