you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
