he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
