Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
