There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
