so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
