This is not my ceiling
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
