Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
