well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
