i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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