i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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