dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize