My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She told me I should be a condom model.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
