this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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