did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Someone signed my nipple.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
