i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
