I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
