so that wasnt chicken after all
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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