My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
