Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She's the barista slut.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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