I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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