there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
