you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
