my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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