I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
