people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize