I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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