I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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