I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
