Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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