Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think people are normalizing furries
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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