It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
