she takes plan B like it's going out of style
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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