One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
