so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
