So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
