Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
