exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
