It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Semen is not good for contacts.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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