I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
