Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
