Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
