I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
