My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
