Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i will never coherently bang her
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
