Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
