NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize