Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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