yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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