This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
