Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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