Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
