Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
