Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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