Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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