Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it's like iHOP with fire
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
