You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
