Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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