the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
