It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
