Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
