Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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