I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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