A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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