somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
