Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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