I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
