I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
