I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
