they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
