I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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