I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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