so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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