I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
