Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize