dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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