Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
