I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
