take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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