I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
